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Joe: Wanna sing my new song, Salsa Hallow's Eve?

Hobbes: No thanks. Wanna sing MY song, Taco Noel?

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Bow: What should I do: My slave, er, pet Slime keeps sucking on my toes when I wake up, and it's taking all my NES cartridges and staking them Stonehedge-style.

Hobbes: Try alka-seltzer. Works for me. 

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Steiner: Why 2 Excaiblers?

Hobbes: Well, Beer-Steiner the drunk knight (Just Kidding), a pair of weapons just sounds cooler. It would be great if there were 2 Ultima Weapons, 2 Ultra Hammers..2 Hero Swords.......

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Joe: What time is it?

Hobbes: uh...(checks arm) *sigh* I gotta get a new watch....

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Bill: Why did Fred agree to work w/ this site with him?

Hobbes: Beats me. Maybe the pay is good?

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Fred: Paper or Plastic?

Hobbes: Pleather.

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Billy Bob: Dur...what's up with this new-fangled internet %$&%?

Hobbes: Watch your language! At any rate, I wouldn't know how to describe it, let alone tell you my answer.

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Black Mage: Why is Fighter such an idiot?

Hobbes: Didn't you read 8-Bit Theater? Fighter is so stupid because he put most of his points into "destroy stuff with swords" or something Skill.

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Tobey Maguire: Who am I?

Hobbes: Aren't you Spider-man?

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Joey: Speaking of which, why am I so darn addicted to Spiderman Unlimited?

Hobbes: I think you have the hots for that Lady Ursula character, that's why.

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Tidus: Are you the real Hobbes?

Hobbes: No, actually, I'm one of his clones.

REAL Hobbes: Okay, H21, your shift is over.

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????: ?

Hobbes: !

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Killex: ¿Dónde están mis tuercas?

Hobbes: Esperanzadamente en sus pantalones.

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Killex: I MEANT MY WALNUTS!!!!

Hobbes: Ohhhhhhhhh... Sorry, you are kind of a jerk. I thought you were prank-calling or something.

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Killex: WHERE THE HELL ARE MY WALNUTS?!?!?!?!

Hobbes: *burp!* Uh, beats me?

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Proto Man: HEY! Where's Beat?

Hobbes: *burp!* I don't know either.

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Sac Man: Why was I never put into a Megaman game?

Hobbes: (turns green in the face) Ugh, dude, it's called a mirror! (throws up Beat and Killex's Walnuts)

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Pizza Man: What about me?

Hobbes: What about you?

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Pizza Man: NO! Why was I never put in a Megaman game either?

Hobbes: (pulls a slice off of Pizza Man) Uh, 'cause you would get eaten by Wily's robots?

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Renamon: Why was Joey's deleted Fanfiction, Digimon Beta Force, so bad?

Hobbes: One- it was pretty messed up. Second, Digimon got old as soon as it was released(Pokemon was popular at the time, so people thought it was a rip-off)

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Joey: Renamon has been giving me the evil eye lately, do you think I should start wearing a Carbon Bangle for defense?

Hobbes: The way she looks, you'd better try to wear a cup.

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Calvin: Hobbes, do you think I should keep going on with Joey's Fanfiction, Calvin and Hobbes in Kingdom Hearts?

Hobbes: Well, many people like it, so if you want to, so will I.

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Mist: What the fudge is up with all the Fanfic-based questions?

Hobbes: Beats me.

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Mist: Also, where is my sprite?

Hobbes: Erm, sorry, one question per update! (Runs)

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Tifa: How do you get Contain Materia in FF7?

Hobbes: Talk to the little white Chocobo chick in Mideen(sp?), give it a green, and scratch it's ears...I think.

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Joey: ARGH! Why is EB Gameworld so GAY!?!

Hobbes: Maybe because it doesn't have that copy of Super Mario World: SMB Advance 2 you wanted?

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Bow: Dang! The new Legend of Zelda game looks tight!...but why is Link a WOLF in the Twilight place?

Hobbes: Think about it. The guys at Nintendo probably wanted Link to be a cool animal, and not base the form off of personality. Plus, wolves are very dark animals to begin with (Thought they should have made Link a tiger like me).

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Yoshi: (How Yoshi find Top Secret Area in Super Mario World?)

Hobbes: Ah, yes, I believe it's Joey's favorite place. At any rate, go to Donut Plains 3, and use the key in the keyhole. This will unlock the pit-stop-like area.

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Sonic: Where do the bubbles in Labyrinth Zone come from?

Hobbes: Um...try going to Video Game Director's Cut and watch "Bad Bubbles"...I think Joey's putting in a link for it this update...

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Angry Fanfiction.net fans: WHERE IS C&H IN KH: CHAPTER 12?!?

Hobbes: Joey+Laziness=your solution. I'll go tell Sora and Calvin to beat him with Keyblades until he updates the story.

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Joey: Why... do I look so different?

Hobbes: Well, there are 2 possible answers: One is that you had a growth spurt, but that wouldn't explain the green shorts or wierd shoe-thingies... Your really counterpart must have been tired of having you look almost exactly like Tails, so...

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Yoshi: (Hey! You lie! Yoshi not go to Top Secret Area!)

Hobbes: Sorry, Yoshi. When I went back and played it (Okay, Calvin helped me out), I found out you need to go to Donut Ghost House. Have two Cape Feathers handy, one already on you. go all the way to the first chasm, then run back and fly right at the beginning of the stage. You should encounter a platform that will take you to the secret area.

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Mist and Alex: When will we be on the site?

Hobbes: The Webmaster already found sprites for you both. He also considers making a Sweet Home comic with you and preliminary character Roxanne the Dragon, but he's afraid Codiekitty of Super Nintendo Super Shire will claw his eyes out... Mist, you'll be the one warrior babe in Lord of the Funyuns, and Alex... I don't know.

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Hobbes: Why do I make so long answers all of a sudden?

Hobbes: I don't know, Hobbes, I don't know...

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Emi: Can you explain to the Americans at this site what Sweet Home is?

Hobbes: Certainly, my fine key-bearing gal. Sweet Home is a Japanese-Made game for the NES/Famicon. It was the first ever Horror-Survival game, and it was so grotesque and scary that Nintendo didn't import it to the US, however hackers can still play it in an Emulator. It is very unique and was supposedly the first Resident Evil, because Capcom made both RE and Sweet Home.

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Celebi 134: Tell me about the stars of Sweet Home...

Hobbes: Though not really a question, I'll take it. The five Japanese stars are:

-Kazuo: A business man from what I know. He carries a lighter that can burn down ropes and certain monsters. Also the strongest fighter.

-Taro: The cameraman. He has a video camera, used to record images of clue-giving portraits and to damage enemies that hate light. Has the highest defense.

-Emi: I really have no idea what Emi is there for... she somehow has a skeleton key that opens many (but not all) doors in the manor. Best female fighter.

-Asuka: Maybe she's some kind of maid... anyway, she carries a vacuum. Don't laugh yet, it's useful to clean off frescoes and clean up glass. Wait, yes, laugh. (Howls with laughter until Asuka hits him with vacuum cleaner)

Akiko: Though she doesn't look it from her face portrait, Akiko is kind of nurse. Her First Aid Kit can remove any bad status. She's not miracle worker, however, and if someone dies, they STAY dead. Worst fighter.

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Alex: What are the Hidden Palace and Genocide City zones in Sonic 2?

Hobbes: ARGH! Another long-answer question!! Both are stages that never made it into the game. Hidden Palace is the only stage with the most data saved, and you can hear it's music as #10 in the Sound Test mode. I've seen Genocide City screenshots, but if you try to hack into the level, it's just nothingness. Sonic and Tails will fall down and die for all 3 of their lives.

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Bow: Why does Joey never update?

Hobbes: Laziness is a horrible, horrible thing...

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Tails: Tell me... what is this thing I've heard about a Tails Doll Curse? What is it?

Hobbes: Uh-oh. Uhm... well, according to my resources, the curse started with a kid in Virginia who stabbed himself to death with a Tails Doll plush in his hand. From their, the curse took roots. Supposedly, if you play the game Sonic R and beat it at 100%, the Tails Doll will attack you, either: A) Driving you insane, B) Steal your soul, or C) Cause people close to you to disappear or die.

For more information, Kitts should have a link to a site telling more about the curse next update...

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Bow: Saaaaaaaaay... how much longer is Lord of the Funyuns? I'm getting a bit tired, and we're already in the 9th or 10th installment.

Hobbes: According to me, the plotline of LOTF is all over the place as it makes fun of LOTR. First of all, the part near the shoreline was the ending of the first book, Fellowship of the Ring, and yet you hopped back at least half-way through the book over to the part where Gandalf (or in this case, Celebi 134) doesn't decide to join Sauron and is captured. So I'm totally confused, but I personally see this thing extending to about 20-25 installments. Looks like you've got your work cut out for you, Bow.